This is a noisy world and dating can be a challenging mission, especially dating an introvert. The society has programmed us to think that it is ideal for people to be loud, outgoing, and sociable. Of course, not everyone is a party-goer and has an outgoing trait. And in recent years, the idea of the introvert raided the internet and people started to take note on it.
There is nothing wrong being an introvert or someone quiet. And if you an extrovert and you are looking to date an introvert, you have to understand the characteristics and traits of an introvert and how to deal with it to make your relationship flourish.
One key idea to remember is that introverts get their energy from within, while the extroverts get their energy from other people. This simply means that introverts are drained by social situations and need more quiet time within them in order to recharge. Oppositely, extroverts are energized by things around them and they prefer to be around others and enjoy their surroundings rather than being in solitude.
What Is An Introvert?
According to the dictionary, introversion is a personality trait characterized by a focus on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation. Most people look at introverts and extroverts as two polar opposite, the truth is that no one is a complete introvert or extrovert. People lie somewhere in the middle.
It is important to understand what causes the introversion because it is estimated that 25 to 40 percent of the population is made of introverts. According to experts, whether you are an introvert or an extrovert is caused by your reticular activating system for regulating arousal levels.
An introvert has a higher arousal level and tends to seek activities and environment where they can escape from overstimulation. On the other side, an extrovert has a relatively lower arousal level where they can accept the activities and attention from their surroundings.
When it comes to a relationship, you have to understand if you are dating with an extrovert, or an introvert. Below are some clear signs of an introvert that can help you understand someone better:
1. Being around people drains your energy. When you or your partner feel exhausted after spending time with a lot of people such as going for a party, you know that this is a sign of introversion.
2. Love being in solitude. Do you or your partner love to be in solitude? An introvert loves being alone quietly in their own world. Introverts enjoy quiet time such as being alone in the afternoon, walking in the woods, reading a book and so on.
3. High self-awareness. This is because an introvert tends to be more inward-turning, an introvert can spend a great deal of time examining their own internal feelings and experiences. If you feel like you have a good understanding of yourself, your emotions, and your motivation, you might be more of an introvert.
4. Having a small group of close friends. While it is true that introverts do not like socializing, they do enjoy being together with a small group of close friends. Instead of joining a big party with a large crowd, they prefer to stick with their close friends.
5. Prefer jobs that involve independence. When it comes to dealing with work, an introvert prefers to work independently rather than being in a group. Introverts enjoy work such as being a writer, computer programmer, pharmacist, artist, or an accountant.
These are some of the clear signs of an introvert. Thus, are you an introvert? Or are you trying to date an introvert?
The Qualities An Introvert Looks For In A Love Relationship
Understanding yourself and your partner can be extremely important if you want to build and grow and successful love relationship with your partner. This is especially true if you are an extrovert, but your partner is your opposite, an introvert.
Many conflicts can occur because of different traits and point of view. Therefore, it is important to know which type of personality you and your partner cling to. If your partner is an introvert, below are the top 10 qualities that your partner will look for.
1. Having Personal Space
Introverts prefer to have personal space, a lot of it. In fact, scientific evidence has shown that introverts need to have time alone. As what you have learned from above, introverts tend to have a higher level of arousal, meaning to say that they will try to get away from socializing and find their own private space.
And if you are dating an introvert, you must take note on this. There is nothing wrong to be alone in solitude. In fact, many studies have also shown that people who love to spend time alone will have a higher level of creativity and peacefulness. Thus, the next time if your partner asks for some space and time to be alone, it does not mean that they abhor you, it could mean that they need some time to be with themselves.
Plus, it makes sense that introverts function better without a crowd or away from a noisy place. And sometimes, people will prefer to have their own quiet time, even for extroverts.
2. Quality Time Together
An introvert prefers to spend quality together and this does not mean that it has to be partying or drinking with a group of people all night. If you date an introvert and you want to make the relationship work, you have to understand what it means by spending “quality time” together.
For introverts, a quality time can be time spend together walking in nature. For an extrovert, a quality time can mean a totally different thing such as hitting a party, drink and have fun with music blaring in the background. While there is nothing wrong with both, you just need to understand what it means by quality time.
What happens if you are an extrovert and your partner is an introvert? Remember that nobody is a complete introvert or extrovert. The keyword here is moderation. An introvert can go for a party once awhile and an extrovert can pay a visit to the bookstore too. Both party, you and your partner must understand moderation and make it work.
3. Becoming A Good Listener
Another important quality introverts will look for in their partner is that introverts love a good listener. Introverts have a good reason to want a partner who is a good listener because they spend most of the time alone and they will want to express their thoughts with their partners.
Introverts think a lot and will have deeper thoughts most of the time. They have their own point of views that they would want to share with their partner. And if you are a good listener, you can make up a good relationship with an introvert.
Asking an introvert what they are thinking about will cause goose-bumps all over their bodies. However, make sure you have the patience to listen as their answers can be long. Studies have discovered that people who are a better listener will have a better relationship because it gives a sense to their partner that they are important when expressing their thoughts.
4. Make Good Use Of Instant Messaging
Instant messaging has become part of our daily lives due to the convenience of technology and the accessibility via our mobile devices. And for introverts, they treat texting as part of socializing and most of the time, their replies can be slow.
And if you are those avid texters and you use a lot of instant messaging to talk to people, beware, because texting with an introvert can be tiring. Imagine you send a text asking an introvert, “How are you?” But you do not get an immediate reply or perhaps you get the reply after 5 hours later, you are not going to have much fun with an introvert.
Introverts might have seen your message, they appreciate it, but they just do not feel like replying you immediately. They prefer to continue to spend time in their own world and reply your message whenever they want to. Do take note that this does not mean that you should not text introverts at all, you just need to understand that not everyone is in the mood of replying you instantly.
5. Sharing Deeper Conversation
Introverts think on a much deeper level and because of this, they will prefer their partner to have a similar characteristic. If you are dating an introvert, you have to understand how to carry out a deeper conversation than just the shallow “Hello” and “How are you”.
This is because introverts spend a lot of time thinking and being in their own world, they will develop a lot of ideas and hobbies that they would like to express and share with their partner. For extroverts who love partying, any conversation will be fine as long as it is fun. Conversely, things may be a little different if your partner is an introvert. Your partner will prefer a deeper and more insightful conversation.
Now, you do not have to be a rocket scientist to start a conversation with introverts. All you need to do is to listen to introverts and what they have to say, and then express your own opinion about it. You don’t need to be Picasso or Albert Einstein to strike a conversation, just be yourself and express your ideas will be sufficient.
6. Silence Can Be Golden
Introverts love quiet and silence time. They hate to be in a noisy place like a bar or a club, and they prefer to be in a quiet place like a coffeehouse. Therefore, do not feel awkward when your introvert partner chooses to sit in silence and fall into their usual deep thinking. Introverts are observers and listeners, and not every moment needs to be littered with noises.
If you want to be an ideal partner for an introvert, learn to understand the power of silence. Silence can be good at times, but an introvert partner will also prefer to express their opinion at times.
7. Go Slow
There is a saying that if extroverts are the hares, then the introverts will be the tortoises. Introverts are slow to open up and they need a lot more time to warm up than the extroverts.
Also, introverts may be slower to reach the relationship milestones, like expressing and saying, “I love you” for the first time or proposing to get to the next level in the relationship. You have to understand that introverts are timider and thus, they need more courage and time to prepare things like these.
This is because an introvert used to think more deeply and they will consider everything from all aspect before they make the move. They are more passive in expressing themselves comparing with extroverts who are more aggressive and proactive.
8. The Feeling Of Safety
Everyone wants to feel safe in a relationship, especially the ladies and the introverts. When you are dating with an introvert, make him or her feel safe by letting them know that you accept them no matter who they are.
This has a lot to do with the introverts’ personality of being more inward and self-focus. From the famous book, The Development of Shyness and Social Withdrawal, authors Schmidt and Buss state that that introversion does not necessarily equate with shyness.
Shyness indicates the fear of people or social situations while introverts simply do not like to spend time interacting with people. And because they focus more inwardly, introverts value the feeling of safety in a relationship more.
9. Have The Patience
One of the very important qualities that an introvert looks for in a partner in a relationship is patient. Well, you do know that introverts are slower in a relationship, they talk more deeply and they spend most of the time alone, hence, they will prefer to have a partner with a higher level of patience.
A weekend full of activities is not what an introvert wants. Extroverts will prefer every night out, but for an introvert, they prefer to go slow on things. When things are packed and there are too many activities with no time to rest, introverts will feel depleted and wanted out.
10. Learn And Understand Each Other
The secret to making a relationship work is understanding each other’s requirement and proceed with moderation. Most people do not fit perfectly into one category or the other and no one is a complete introvert or a pure extrovert. Sometimes, extroverts want to have quiet time to rest their minds and recharge their souls, and sometimes, introverts will feel lonely and want to go out or host a party too.
What is important to learn here is that you have to understand your partner and how to cope with their personalities. When two different worlds collide, be prepared for the arguments, conflicts, and misunderstandings, but that does not mean that the two worlds cannot come together and co-exist in harmony and love.
References
- lovepanky.com/flirting-flings/dating-game/how-to-date-an-introvert
- verywell.com/signs-you-are-an-introvert-2795427
- psych2go.net/qualities-an-introvert-looks-for/
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