Actress, author and screenwriter Sahndra Fon Dufe once said:
“Whatever you are looking for is also looking for you. You see, don’t only look. Be available and ready when it shows up.”
This is similar to Rumi’s words which say: “what you are seeking is seeking you”. But what could both phrases, similar in their messaging, mean for you? To find out, let’s break the message down to get to its core meaning.
What Are You Looking For?
We are all looking for something in our lives. Whether that’s in the form of a new romantic relationship, a better quality of life, or a new creative endeavour that we have a passion for. The notion of being satisfied with your life is definitely a goal for most, but not many are able to attain it. And as humans, it is in our DNA to always strive for something new or exciting, to fulfil our passions.
More often than not, the question of “looking for something” can often apply to romantic situations, so let’s use that as an example. If you are looking for love, do you believe that it is something you will eventually find?
What you believe of course depends upon your past experiences with love and relationships, and whether they have been good, bad, or somewhere in between. Ultimately, Fon Dufe’s quote is saying that you cannot only be the seeker when you’re looking for something; you must also make sure you’re not hiding or doing something that will repel the very thing that you want.
If you believe that you get back what you put out – whether at work, home, in friendships, or relationships, then you have a large amount of control over what and who comes in and out of your life. In the form of relationships, for example, you might have had a series of toxic relationships and after each break-up, you learnt something new about yourself. You are now at the stage where you feel closer to knowing what you do and do not want from a relationship, and you’re ready to meet that person who fits the bill.
How can you avoid attracting the same people you usually attract, if you want a different future? What are you doing to make sure that the next person that comes along, knows what you are ready for? It’s great when you’ve finally identified what exactly you’re looking for, but the next step requires the answer to another question.
Are You Ready to Find What You’re Looking For?
Let’s stay with the subject of a relationship here. What were the reasons your last relationship ended? How did it make you feel? Do you think you’ve spent enough time being by yourself, living for yourself, and getting reconnected with yourself again while being in a relationship?
It sounds like a lot of questions, but they are pertinent. Once you get to the point where you know exactly what you’re looking for, without being too prescriptive and with a good idea of the things you can compromise on, you could be on your way to beginning to attract that partner that you want. But you have to be ready.
We have all been there: coming out of a serious relationship that ended in pain and heartbreak, only to jump head first into something with a new person. This new thing could either be very suddenly as serious as the last relationship, opening you up to fresh hurt and pain before you’re ready. Or it could be a casual fling, where you feel safe and emotionally distant, whilst the other person intends to progress into a serious relationship. In this instance, the lack of communication and awareness of the other person’s feelings could be your downfall.
Looking for something means knowing what that thing looks like and it also means being fully ready when you eventually find it. And that is not to say that you cannot meet your ideal partner before you are ready, but the right awareness will be essential for helping you in the long run, especially with future relationships. Naturally, this is all on the assumption that you believe that what you are looking for is also looking for you.
So What If I don’t Believe That What I am Looking For is Also Looking For Me?
Many people think that if you don’t believe you’ll find what you’re looking for, then you never will. It seems that a mixture of hope and belief are what is needed in the search for your desire. Perhaps, it is more than that. People are intuitive, we pick up on how other people feel, from strangers to loved ones. For many of us, empathy is our greatest strength.
So in the case of finding a new and fulfilling relationship, if you do not believe that your potential partner is out there, then perhaps your potential partner could cross your path but not feel the need to stop because they sense your doubt or hesitation. Again, this comes down entirely to whether you believe it or not.
The most important aspect to remember is getting yourself prepared for whatever might come your way, whether you’ve been hoping for it or not. And in fact, there is a good case for saying that you would not be preparing yourself personally if even a small part of you didn’t believe that someone was out there for you.
Much like a patient who believes that they will get well again, statistically, recovery time from illness can be much improved if a patient believes that they will get better. We are what we put out into the universe, including how we treat other people and how we expect to be treated. And even if you cannot see a fully formed figure of the partner you are looking for, it does not mean that they are any less likely to reveal themselves.
You just have to believe that eventually, they will find you.